Girl finds dignity on sole of shoe

Fish Rap Live!
Volume 18 Issue 1

A quiet party on High Street turned almost deadly last weekend when UCSC student Rachel Blowhard nearly lost what she holds dearest: her dignity.

"I went to the bathroom with some gross, skeezy guy my roommate used to bang, and when I came back out, my dignity was gone!" Blowhard says. "I just…I panicked."

Concerned friends and onlookers helped Blowhard search for her dignity. People looked under the chairs where Blowhard took crotch shots off of co-eds, in the stray purses Blowhard was seen rifling through earlier in the night, and even in the kitchen sink drain where Blowhard allegedly spewed. Her dignity was nowhere to be found.

"I set out a trail of bread crumbs, thinking that her dignity would come out to eat them or something," says partygoer Bobby Booby. "Anything I could do to help."

Party host Aaron McNerner excused the mess his guests made while looking for Blowhard’s dignity, saying he would just Febreeze his house later.

Just when the search and rescue mission looked absolutely hopeless, Blowhard’s dignity resurfaced. "I finally found it on the bottom of my shoe. There was toilet paper stuck to it."

Blowhard vows to keep her dignity with her at all times from now on. She is looking into purchasing a lock and key for extra security.

"This sort of thing could happen to anyone. It’s so easy, especially at college parties. I just hope my story serves as a cautionary tale for others. I want people to be able to learn from my mistakes."